Obtuse Strategies Deck

I’m sure most people know about Brian Eno’s Oblique Strategies — a deck of cards with gnomic suggestions to consult at random during creative work.

I propose my own, new deck, informed by my jaundiced world view, and in no small part, my own failings as a human being.

1. Cultivate the disreputable
2. Lie gratuitously
3. Argue extravagantly over minutiae
4. Blame the innocent
5. Solve the wrong problem
6. Construct the trivial sturdy, the crucial shoddy
7. Give misleading directions
8. Damn with faint praise
9. Make a virtue of waste, a vice of thrift
10. Play dumb
11. Make incorrect change
12. Celebrate incompetence
13. Value syntax over meaning
14. Imagine things to complain about
15. Leave out the important part
16. Flatter the deluded
17. Argue with those who agree with you
18. Subvert while appearing to cooperate
19. Niggle, always
20. Curse the virtuous
21. Speak authoritatively when ignorant
22. Say the opposite
23. Laugh hardest at the unfunny
24. Meet sincerity with sarcasm
25. Hold grudges
26. Complain operatically
27. Suspect every kindness
28. Swamp any straightforward motive with ulterior ones
29. Purport falsely
30. Implacably oppose the reasonable
31. Deliver less than you promise
32. Ridicule caution
33. Value yourself negatively, others less
34. No such thing as excessively literal
35. Prevaricate, Obfuscate, Denigrate
36. Puncture someone’s good mood
37. Pursue empty ambitions relentlessly
38. Exasperated sighs, sour grimaces
39. Let people try to drag you with them
40. Whenever possible, disappoint
41. Deny the problem
42. Smirk at people’s misfortune
43. Boast without justification
44. Give up early
45. Assign everyone else sinister motives
46. Squander the irreplaceable
47. Disturb the tranquil
48. Afflict the unfortunate
49. Cut in line
50. Waste everyone’s time
51. Take no stand
52. No pity, ever
53. Profit from misfortune