I was going thru my spam folder looking for false positives, and came on a message that was (of course) a come-on for erectile dysfunction pills, that had one essential difference: Not only was it spam poetry, they actually broke it up into poetry-like lines:
grim whirl yore mesh!
unpin to leaf.
lain view bout emir.
nosey pear lain.
tinny elfin erst leaf.
leaf to uvula musk?
to basal loud full.
smirk brad kick pinky?
up softy scute lung?
pshaw smirk dine scute.
twain pear fecit.
hoar knee gauss elfin.
bar frizz hoar dour?
lip pear pinky swish!
fetal felly pinky negus!
pear axial mesh slot.
trill toils view emir?
shelf hue tammy.
bar grin gleam.
It’s worth listening to the audio examples. It sounds exactly like you’d imagine — washing machines getting tapped, thumped and slammed. I sampled the water sloshing in my washer years ago for a track; this is precisely the sort of thing you should be doing for yourself, not buying a sample set.
Though I wish this guy well. Everything sounds very well recorded and he spent extra time with Kontakt programming to make them cool. But really, isn’t it a REQUIREMENT that you sample junk around your house for yourself?
In that unwritten book of rules for electronic musicians, that is!
Dear reactionary jerks. Before you start spouting about ‘Teabagging Obama’ at your Tea Parties, you should watch this clip from John Waters’ movie “Pecker”:
I have been mystified by how many Twitter adds I’ve been getting, since I don’t really bother too much with it. But I think I’ve partially solved it. Unfortunately it’s NOT because I’m so awesomely original and brilliant that everyone wants to read my blog posts.
Apparently people are setting up automated twitter feeds, that will add you if they see keywords they deem relevant in your tweets. Presumably, someone would e.g. want to see every time someone posts about ‘Dubstep’ to Twitter, so they’d start following that automated feed. Or something like that.
Which has led me to this conclusion: Twitter is for people too ADD to handle RSS aggregators as Internet Timewasters.
Talk about some Messed Up Motherfuckers.
If I didn’t have better things to do I’d be trolling these people, with questions like “So in the middle of the rapture we’re all flying up to heaven naked, and I see a naked girl and have lustful thoughts. Will I plummet back to earth?”
Rush Limbaugh is a — pardon the expression — soft target, and the media and web are full of weak ‘humor’ at his expense. Finally someone does it right.
This edit of Limbaugh’s speech in Washington is fantastic:
I wish I could have been a fly on the wall at the pitch meeting for this ad campaign.
“OK — picture this. The oven talks.”
“Um, sure? What does it say?”
“It asks this sandwich chef to ‘put it in me'”
“Put what in it?”
“a foot long torpedo sandwich”
“Am I imagining things, or is this whole concept kind of gay?”
“It’s funny because it’s gay.”
“We sell sandwiches in mall food courts. Are we going to get more gay customers with this ad?”
“No idea, but it’s funny because it’s gay!”
“At the top of the ad, are you implying that ‘Scott’ the sandwich chef put his dick in the conveyor oven?”
“Not in so many words.”
“Won’t this alienate our more conservative customers?”
“Aw fuck them anyway. They’ll either not catch on to the double entendre, or it will piss them off. If it pisses them off, they’ll forever have Quiznos stuck in their head. And if they want a fucking sandwich, they’ll buy it from us, phallic symbolism and all. You’d have to have your food servers wear assless chaps to alienate someone hungry for a sandwich.”