Tag Archives: quiznos

Quizno’s Conveyor Oven Outed As A Bottom

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall at the pitch meeting for this ad campaign.

“OK — picture this. The oven talks.”
“Um, sure? What does it say?”
“It asks this sandwich chef to ‘put it in me'”
“Put what in it?”
“a foot long torpedo sandwich”
“Am I imagining things, or is this whole concept kind of gay?”
“It’s funny because it’s gay.”
“We sell sandwiches in mall food courts. Are we going to get more gay customers with this ad?”
“No idea, but it’s funny because it’s gay!”
“At the top of the ad, are you implying that ‘Scott’ the sandwich chef put his dick in the conveyor oven?”
“Not in so many words.”
“Won’t this alienate our more conservative customers?”
“Aw fuck them anyway. They’ll either not catch on to the double entendre, or it will piss them off. If it pisses them off, they’ll forever have Quiznos stuck in their head. And if they want a fucking sandwich, they’ll buy it from us, phallic symbolism and all. You’d have to have your food servers wear assless chaps to alienate someone hungry for a sandwich.”